Forgive, if you can't forget

I was talking to a young man today, and I don't know why I say it like I am 90. But since I don't want to reveal his identity, let's just call him a young man.

It all started with one sentence, like it always does, when I said -

"I respect everyone"

And a very obvious reply came from the young man - " you can't respect all, some people don't deserve it"

And while he is right in many ways, I still do believe there is at least one quality in all of us, no matter how mundane, it is worthy of respect.  But then there were questions like 'How can you respect killers and rapists?'

Maybe you can't respect them, they have caused a lot of pain. But I don't hate them and I don't wish them death. I think they need help. I say "in our head, we all think we are the good one" even though our actions say something else. But we all our convinced that we are good, we are fighting for a purpose. Like Hitler was a jackass, but he was convinced that he was doing everything for Germany.  Yes we can argue it was just searching a twisted way to get power, but in his head, and his supporters, he was a hero.

Now the young man tells me a little story, something he experienced. He tells me that a member of his family was a police officer and was killed by a terrorist. His son was only 20 days old when he died, he didn't even get to hold his child. The young man asks me how can I say the terrorist needs help and forgive him for causing such pain to his family.

Pain is such a thing, that any argument can turn into ashes, and all the reasons won't really matter. But I still manage to say, 'killing the terrorist won't bring back the father of 20 year old'. You can never reason the death of a loved one, whether it be because of a gun or a boomerang.

When I tell this conversation to the man who loves me he says 'you are stupid Ruhi, if anyone hurts you, you think I will let them go? Stop being a Gandhi'.

To cut the tension I say to him 'honey if someone kills me, you'll will throw them a party'. But I know what he means. Maybe you can forgive people who hurt you, but can you ever forgive someone who hurt the one you love? Isn't it much more harder?

Me, I am a pacifist. I stick to my ideals. But even so if someone every hurts the one I love, forgiving them will be the hardest thing to do. But I know will, and I have. Because I won't be consumed by hatred, this is a promise I made to myself.

This is what we have always done. Fight hate with hate, war with war when clearly the only thing that can defeat hate is love. And loving a sinner is hard, that is why we all are not Saints. If we can't love them, can we forgive them?

Killing the murderer won't bring back the dead, killing the rapist won't bring peace to the girl who got raped, only thing it can give is a sick satisfaction. That will put us on the same page with people who commit crimes, just for sick satisfaction. And it's easy, its barbaric. Lets just kill them all. Because forgiving is hard and painful. And we humans are taught to run from pain, we never accept it as a part of life.

The young man shows me two videos, one from India and one from Pakistan, of innocents being beaten up and asks me if it is practical to forgive them.

I look at the videos, and I look at the huge crowd looking at people getting beaten up, and the police who did nothing. I didn't know who to forgive, the police, the bystanders or the people with sticks beating up innocents. Nothing about it was practical. All I saw were people disconnected and unaware of the importance of human life.

We have been divided, and we continue to do that everyday. We are race, caste, countries, colours and languages. All we really are, just silly little humans.  So many reasons to hate one another, so many reasons which stops us from understanding each other.

We look at flags and deities and holy books, if we had looked into each others eyes, we would have known the truth, we are one. 

Let us try to forgive and heal our wounds instead of digging it deeper. You keep messing with the wound and slowly the infection will damage the whole body. Soothe it, heal it, forgive it.

I am now thinking of last words Jesus said when he was on the cross.
"Father forgive them, for they not know what they do"-  Luke 23:24
These words are traditionally called "The Word of forgiveness". We all need that, words for forgiveness, for those who hurt us and the one we love.

And to the man who loves me, if I get killed, please spare the murderer, take him to the psychiatrist maybe, that's all the torture he needs.

Image from Google