Thinking out of your ass

You must have heard about the term 'talking out of your ass' but have you ever heard about the term 'thinking out of your arse'? Probably not, because I just made it. If you have heard it before, or made it yourself and want to claim it, let me know.

Talking out of your ass is pretty easy to spot, we do it, many times we realise it instantly or maybe a year later and regret it. But thinking out of you ass is tricky, you just never know when you are doing it because there is no reaction to it. There you are making up your own stories in your head by combining a dozen of 'what if's' and 'maybe' distorting the reality all because you do not just have the courage to ask directly, so you do they next best thing, make an assumption.

And we keep feeding this ball of assumption by making up new stories everyday about why things are happening to us, whatever it may be.

I am a thinker, I think and think ….......and then think some more. So you see, for me this 'thinking out of your ass' thing is a easy pit to fall in.Something like this recently happened with me, where I was just thinking out of my ass, making up stories, because I was too scared to just get out there and face it. But eventually I did face it, only to realise it wasn't all that negative after all. I misunderstood, simple enough?

Next time, when you are in doubt, JUST ASK. You don't know the direction, just ask. Yes, sometimes it makes you look stupid, been there done that. But then better be a stupid who had the courage to speak up then a stupid who just stuck to a mere assumption.

Next time you see someone behaving strange, ask them how they are before assuming they are jerks, maybe they are troubled....maybe..just maybe..they are not that bad after all. Give people a chance to speak up before thinking on behalf of them.

After all, if your glass is full, can you pour in more? Sometimes it's important to turn off the noises in your head to listen what is really happening outside.

Just remember turning them on back too....balance my friend, is the key.  

Image from google

I got published!!!

My article got published in The Echo of India (Andaman and Nicobar)  newspaper. I am so excited about it, they also included a picture of me, mind you it's a pretty big one, i have been staring at it for a while now.

The article is called 'Red Lipstick'. It is basically about the pattern of consumption usually seen in Port Blair and if terms like 'ethics' and 'authenticity' have lost their meaning.

If you wish to read it please click here  (I hope you could read it, it's not loading for me because of my crappy internet connection, but i think this is the page, editorial section. )

I have been published before but i really like this piece i wrote, plus didn't i mention that they also put my picture there? Everyone wants to be in the papers once in their life after all, so that's one of my wish fulfilled. I am even more happy that could make it to the papers without killing or stealing anything.

The Bird and The Bee........and The Dogs

I want to share this song that i have been loving, and honestly i haven't stopped playing it. I don't know how i never found this before, i am completely and absolutely in love with it.

Another thing i am loving  is this picture of my dog Inky. He is a stray dog, so no posh breeds here. Obviously me living in U.K. means we are not as close as i was with Astro(my first dog, a Japanese Spitz, died few years ago) But i love Inky anyway, I see little bit of Astro in him, they have the same aura you can say.

Inky

I have 2 more dogs, both are from the streets Boori, which in Hindi means brown....because she is brown in colour, i didn't name her. But i did name Inky and Boori's mother Bella, she really is 'bella'. I didn't choose the name Inky, it was my mom. I don't know who came up with Boori, if you think naming a dog on it's colour is weird, then what do u think of Pagla(which means Mental) another one of my dogs who passed away, he hit is head when he was born, he was kind of mentally challenged, so my someone in my family (not sure who) named him Pagla, he was a fighter though. 

 My family is not so creative with names as you can see.

About Boori - She is our size 0 model
no matter how much she eats she never gains weight.

About Bella - She is the oldest of all,
 mother of Inky and Boori,
the most generous of all too. Bella is no more with us. She was the protector, we miss her. 

Since they are strays, we don't ever keep them on leash, they are happy to roam about and then come back home. Inky sleeps on my dad's care, Bella is very protective of her family, when she barks, others follow. Our mailman actually never comes near our house because my dogs gang up on him. They can get scary, i'll be honest, sometimes even i am scared of them, but they are nice to me and why not, i am their Bread Lady!

Crocodiles and fabulous cakes

Image borrowed from Google.

I know there is no connection between crocodiles and cakes except that they both start with 'c', no, it's just two completely different incidents that made me think.

I'm sitting here trying to string words together to make sense, but my window is open and I can see the sea and the lights, the night is beautiful, very distracting. But if I really want to enjoy the view I better empty my head full of thoughts.

It's hard to imagine that behind all this beauty are crocodiles in water that killed a woman as reported by The Daily Telegrams, Port Blair. The govt. provided Rs. 3 lakhs for her three children's education and well-being. Hope the money will ease out their pain of losing their mother, funny how money seems the solution to almost everything. The govt. also directed Wild Life to prevent such events from happening by making sure no food is disposed near the creeks inhabititated by these salt-water crocodiles.

This 'crocodilia' has been an issue in Andaman for a while. It is assumed that after Tsunami a lot of crocodiles were washed away from the area round Thailand and now they live happily in Andaman. I don't think this is the first death caused because of these blown up lizards, I recall an incident where an American woman's body was found after she went scuba diving in the sea, only that the crocodile had plans of scuba diving too. Please pardon my cruel sense of humour, I feel very sorry for people who have suffered because of this, it is devastating, but it's done now.

Ever since I landed on Port Blair, my mom has been trying to convince me to go to the beach, obviously I didn't go, hearing these stories, I’m certainly not afraid of 'death', but I prefer a less painful way of leaving this world, no thank you.

I watched Fabulous Cakes in TLC channel, it's a show where these fabulous cake shops take up challenges to make theme cakes for wedding, birthday parties or any other events.

I saw this cake shop called 'No more boring cakes' try to build a 4ft cake for a wedding but in between this huge piece of cake starts to falls apart and they throw everything away. Seriously? That is like tons of cake wasted, I’m sure they could have used it for something else or gave it away. I get it, there may not be many poor people in California but are you telling me there no other way out instead of putting it in a bin? I mentally screamed when I saw them putting cake away in the bin. And you wonder why half of the world is hungry. The couple spent more than a thousand dollars for that cake, fair enough they could afford it, but what's the point of all that cake wasted? That cake was beautiful, but I still couldn't help but think about that big chunk of cake somewhere waiting to get rotten in the bin.

My Dream

A splash of this, a splash of that,

Moments spent under the sun,

Visited me once again tonight,

With a different face, a different name.

I have smelled this scent before,

I don't remember when,

Ripples broke when I reached for you,

But now that I am underwater,

I see through these ripples.

It's the only time we are real,

In a place far from reality,

Here I wait for you every night,

Somewhere between the worlds,

In a little place I call dream.

Andamani reality show, really?

Picture taken with my blackberry

Recording studio in Andaman. This is where the magic happens.....O.K. it's small and dingy with some very nice people and a rude editor. My mom forced me to have a look since i am studying broadcasting in school, and i said i hate it. Anyway when i reached there they were shooting for Andamani singing reality show(imagine that!). A woman working there said they wanted to do something for the kids in Andaman. "They are talented but they never get a chance", she said.  Very nice, at least something is happening here. I heard a 12 year old girl sing "main karoon to sala character dila hai" from  Salman Khan's movie, i have never seen it, but i have heard the song...not very appropriate for a 12 year old girl. The judges stopped her in between and told her to sing some national songs, they were annoyed because 3 kids have already sang that song and they are getting sick of telling kids what to sing what not to sing, one of the producer looked at me and said "why are the parents sending them in competition with these songs, they should be prepared", i just nodded not knowing what was best to say then. Fair enough, she is way too young to sing all that.........or is she? Can we really decide whats appropriate for kids today? They seem to be going their own way. I can only thank that i'm not blessed with that burden yet.

Tulsi - The incomparable one

I took this picture in my garden almost  a year back, it's a flower of Tulsi plant(Sanskrit word which translates to 'the incomparable one'. I don't know if you know about it, but it's famous in India and i think South Asia in general for it's use in Ayurveda. A great remedy for cold, we also add a leaf or two with tea leaves, it has a lovely aroma and tastes so good! It is also a sacred plant in India and is worshiped by Hindus.
Sometimes when i stroll about in my garden i just pluck few leaves to chew on...and some rose petals, no wonder my Chinese zodiac is a goat. 

Sunshine

I just had to share this song with the you, or the void to which i generally write to.
I am a fan of CocoRosie, got introduced to their music by my friend.

I love this song, it's very inspiring. Here are my favorite lines
Sunshine, oh sunshine
If you don't know why you shine
You've got to go into the sun
You've got to go inside
(Find rest of the lyrics here. )

Such a beautiful meaning behind these lines. There are so many wonderful people, with so much potential in them, only that they have no idea how special they are, how important they are to the world. They need to see where they come from, the sun, the soul, the source of their being to find how truly special they are. 
Each person born is very special and unique, and very important on Earth, regardless of how unimportant they may feel sometime. They DO make a difference. Only some of them are lost, are they forget that they are beings of light.

A comeback of closeness-smoshness

I don't know this kid, i don't take responsibility for him.

So it's the 'holy' month of Ramzan and my aunt and uncle were just being a good Muslim family when they sent out biryani for all their relatives to open their fast. Now, 10 years back this gesture would have been completely normal but today it is a bit too considerate, no one actually care about all this that much, do they?

Me and my mom got talking about the good old days when Ramzan was celebrated lavishly, of course i was way too young to remember it all, but i could see through my mothers eyes. All the neighbors and relatives, gathered together to break the fast, and everyone, including my ex-Hindu mom fasted the whole month, except my grandmother, she was a diabetic. In evening,  the smell of all that rich and oily food would take over the whole house, food was prepared and relatives would actually come and help(willingly)!

Finally, when we hear the faint sound of aazan everyone will rush to take their places and start the feast (the first ones to run to take their place on the table were usually the kids who did not fast, that includes me). More people will keep visiting with halva or other traditional delicacies and in return we would pack some food for them to take home. The whole month was not a great time for the 'health conscious', there will always be this one woman who constantly reminds how 'fat' she is getting because of eating all the heavy food, while she stuffs her face a little more.

Today my father calls me when the he hears the aazan and me(when i'm in Port Blair), my mother and my sister(if she is in Port Blair) would sit together to break the fast with him, he is the only one left who fasts in our family. Sometimes few really close relatives would send halva but they won't stop to break the fast. The idea hiring a cook to send out biryani just sounds absurd to me but I actually respect my aunt and uncle, they try their best.
People still visit on Eid, only that relatives and neighbors are now replaces by colleagues and bosses.
Do i really care? Not really, i don't even know my cousins, i live in a different country now and i never followed Islam, but all that closeness-smoshness between people was nice.  It's the only thing i like about religion, sometimes it brings people together, especially when good food is involved.

Selflessly flowing

One warm night

the ice broke down

through the rocks and crevasses

it gushed down the rugged lane

silver ice melting into muddy water

what good did that do?

Only that it holds life in it now.

Fighting against all the adversities

until it lost it's identity to the ocean

what good did that do?

It became a path for the seeker of distant lands

And then it flew towards the sky

no one saw it disappear

what good did it do?

When it pored down thundering with life.

Of all the things it chose to be

Not once did it think of itself

and in that sacred thought, was it's being.

Obsession or Passion?

There is this girl that i don't really know, she got me thinking today.
Despite of failing, she keeps trying to clear exams to become a bureaucrat. Now one may think that she is very committed to her ambition, and that's good right?

But what if your obsession is not your passion?
Personally i know people who work very hard to be something they didn't really choose to be, it may be anything, a job they didn't want to be in, a relationship that should be over by now...anything really. But there is no passion in it, just an insane obsession of 'making it happen'. This obsession, kind of makes you committed to things/people that you are not passionate about.

We know we need to be a little obsessive to truly appreciate the things we are passionate about, but what if you are doing it because you feel 'it is the right thing to do' or 'it will make my parents happy' or any other reasons like that.

When does being a good person who cares about their parents view, or a practical person who thinks a job can save his/her life starts to be an obsession that slowly kills all that passion they have, bubbling to come out and manifest itself like you once dreamed of it to be?

Something to think about.

And about that girl, whether she is following her passion or obsession, i really don't know. Like i said in the very beginning, i don't know her....so no judgements there.

Face Value

Today i visited my local beauty parlour for some 'beautification'. As soon as I enter the parlour my mood changes, i am happy, laughing and joking with my sister (mostly because today is my happy day, for no reason).
And then the hard part starts, the waxing and the threading and all that pain. Makes me wonder why? why am i doing this to myself?

After all that jazz my beautician tells me i have become 'darker'...which means i have become more tanned. Obviously, i have no idea how to react to all those kind of things because to me it's normal. I am after all an Indian and my skin is tan, which gets even more tanner during summer. I kind of like it the way it is. But of course to the others i need to put up a sad face and start applying 'fairness creams' sold in Indian markets, only that they don't work, which is an impossible task to explain it to the Indian women/men who drool after fair skin. I don't get it.

Coming out of the parlour i feel polished, how delusional of me, but whatever makes you happy is worth it right?

Speaking of faces, i found this beautiful picture of a Jarawa woman. This picture was not taken by me(it is edited by me, it obviously did not look like this, it was just a normal picture before), i found it in my mother's laptop, which i am using for sometime, i broke mine. My mother is an ophthalmologist and often visits tribal people here in Andaman for eye check-ups and stuff.
But look how beautiful her face is, the angles, the cheekbones! I find the whole picture very dramatic.

What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

My initial days in U.K.

Rochester High St., England. Potography by me. click to enlarge

My first day in U.K.(27 Sept 2008) - I am with my parents. I am worried that they will embarrass me….I’m worried that I’ll embarrass myself…something stupid could easily happen. Maybe they won’t understand my accent…maybe they won’t understand my parents accen. They are way too polite here, you don’t know if they are actually happy to see you or not.

After few days - I am having fun. The weather is cold but tricky as soon as you walk under sun you feel warm, then you step under the shade and it’s cold. My mother bought a pink sock that she wears with salwar, I think it is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.

One day I was coming back from my college and I see my mother and father standing at the end of the road secretly taking my pictures, I have no idea how to react. So I just laugh and say that it’s annoying and not to spy on me.

My parents made friends with the owner of the B&B we were staying, and the cab driver we hired once, trust my dad to do something like that. I warn them not to get overly friendly with anyone, but I am glad they have people to talk to. My mother seems to love the tiny town of Rochester, and why not, it is lovely, I love how cozy it is.

My first day in college I get inside my class wearing blue jeans, my favorite pink floral top from Bangkok, white furry jacket and cute pink flats, I think it’s cute. I enter the room and see bunch of students dressed in black and grey and they are staring at me…there you go, I travelled from India to U.K. just to be the odd one out again.

My parents went back to India after 15 days and I got busy with college. I didn’t have many friends, but once I started talking a little, people didn’t seem so scary. I know they were reluctant to talk to me. Rochester is not a like London, they asked why I travelled so far just for college, they told me I must be rich, i told them i wanted to live outside my country and about the money they are sadly mistaken.

I felt I can survive this place, until this one girl with a dire need of a nose job came to me and said she couldn’t believe that I can speak such good English; I told her I did my schooling in English speaking Catholic school.

My initials days in Rochester were hard, and also kind of hazy, it was a whole new world to me and even though I felt I didn’t fit in, I never accepted the fact that I am home sick. I was the youngest in my halls, nobody else was 16. I stuck a poster on my wall saying ‘no smoking, no drinking and no noise after 9pm’, my flat mates hated me for it, and I don’t blame them. I kept fighting until I opened my eyes to see all I was doing was fighting myself, so I let it go and embraced everything new and crazy, I was smoking….and drinking not because of anyone else but because I wanted it, maybe it wasn’t a wise choice, but I was 16 and it seemed fun and it didn’t make me feel like I was a stuck up bitch judging people for their choices.

It is not unusual to be lost

It is not unusual to be lost

Like in a movie, I feel I am misplaced

And I try so hard to be myself

But instead they laugh at me and give me a script.

Some days when I wake up

I feel as if I have woken up to a dream

The things people say is real, feels unreal

When I try to go back to sleep

I cannot stop thinking about the things I have seen.

It’s not unusual to be lost

Feeling as if I don’t belong

It is the only time I feel alright

Like coming back home, from a fight.

Happy Independence Day

Oh look i am already writing my 101 blog post. But then this is a special one too.

 Today is 15^th August and it is a very important day for all Indians. It is our Independence Day…the day we finally became a free country.

Now I have to be honest…I’m not a patriot, I have never done anything for my country…I do things for mankind. But when I see how happy Indians are today..i cannot help but join this celebration.

I know what struggle it took finally be a free nation…even though it’s silly that people can fight for a piece of land. But I believe they fought for more than just a land, they fought for a home. Where their voice is valued, a place they can prosper.

But of course looking at India now I see so many faults…it’s rotten in corruption, the diversity once we were proud of are now a reason of suffering. But then people make mistake. 

At least today Indians can rejoice the past….tomorrow we can get back to the reality facing the face that we ain’t that all, but not today….today we are just celebrating.

              

                Happy Independence Day!!!

100th post

I could not google a heart i liked, so i made my own.

This is my 100th post, this is also my very first blog...a very personal blog, so you might be able to guess, i am overwhelmed about this post.

So what should i write about? Spirituality? Maybe a little poem....or something political? I don't know yet...but i will make it up as i write.

Firstly, i want to thank my readers who took the trouble of joining this site and to those who commented on my posts. You have no idea how happy you have made me. Thank you so very much, lot of love. 

Now what should i share? Let me tell you, i started this blog to take out the pain i felt inside...i was in a very beautiful relationship that was turning very sour and i am the kind of person who likes sweet. Unable to get rid of the relationship itself i started to blog my pain out...so if you read depressing poems or posts in the later half  of my  blog..it is because i was depress, no need to kill youself reading that, i survived. Enough said about that.

But i am out of it now, and it is as if i am born again. My heart is open and healed. But i believe the 'pain' that i went through...all those sleepless night has paid off because now i understand myself better..now i see my purpose of truly being here on earth, it is to heal others not through medicine but through understanding.

I have met people who tell me, 'Ruhi you are 19, why this burden of helping the whole world?' All i have to say to them is i am not helping anyone but me. I am incomplete if i am not for others, it's just the way it is. And that does not mean i want to get 'used' by others, no thank you i have some dignity, but i am here to make people see what wonderful beings they truly are. Through words or any other way it is why i am here. This realisation is not because of one failed relationship, but it's been gradual since my very first day i believe.

Yes, that is the bigger picture, the ultimate reason of me being here on Earth. But then there are other things too but they all are just smaller version of this bigger truth of my life.

Being as i am...dare i say more aware than others (at least of my age) is kind of a burden at times...there are people who misunderstand you, but you just got to look past all that.  I talked about philosophy so young that i could not even spell philosophy then, younger than 10 i would say. At that time i didn't know what the hell i was doing, today i look back and say 'i am a freak, how did i even know all that'. The truth is i got no idea, not yet at least.

Yes i am connected to my ancestors and to the Wise ones. I could say my soul is very old, it has seen a lot....and i could say that i have a soul of a wanderer and a warrior. But  really will that even make sense to you? maybe not.

I could keep my thoughts hidden and then blame the world to misunderstand me...that would be stupid..so here i am speaking my mind, speaking my heart and soul out, even is nobody is there to listen...because someone is always listening..and that is me...myself.

Yes, it is bad when people don't listen to you, even worse when you stop speaking up just because you believe there is no one to listen. 

Evidently, i am encouraging you to talk to yourself more...may look crazy...but feels great..like many other crazy things.

Right now i won't say my life is ideal by any means...but i love my life..i love how unpredictable it is..i love everything about it, and yes i am happy....i complaint many times but i still am happy maybe I'm just whiny by nature.


Feeling loved is a feeling like no other. And right now i feel very loved. But i got no idea from whom or where does it come from...maybe from everywhere..or from deep within.

Hoping you are feeling loved too..because believe me..you are loved.

What do u mean when you say 'I don't believe in love' ?

Sometimes i wonder about people who say they don't believe in 'love'. I wonder what are they trying to say, i wonder what do they understand by 'love'. Is it some kind of ultimate selflessness that they try to escape from? I don't get it, cause i always did believe in love.

I see love as healing, it's beautiful it's selfless it's peaceful. Love itself is all that is. How you approach love might be different, some love in silence, some shout it out loud.

It's not like love is only between a man and a woman, it really is everywhere, family, siblings, pet....your job, your passion, all is actually nothing but a love affair, isn't it? Its funny cause all these people who say 'oh i don't believe in love' actually use the word often, they would say 'i really love this' but of course they don't believe in love itself, does that mean they just said a lie?

Some say its getting caught up in a moment, some say its basic survival need, others say its plain logic or just a physical need.....maybe it is all of that...maybe its nothing at all....whatever it is ...sure feels good.

I would think what kind of cruel person doesn't believe in love? but then they are not cruel at all. They just don't believe in love....yet there are things and they love to do and people they love to be with...maybe that is what love is...not a relationship but just a connection...something that connects us with things or people or places.

Of course i don't think everyone should believe 'Love is God' like i do, what fun would that be if everyone starts to think like me, that will just be a dead end.

It is sad not to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love. -Miguel de Unamuno 

 

Back to the start

I could let it all go

But I choose to stay

I have a thing or two to do still

I have heard your prayers

Your desires, your fears

And I’m here for you

So climb up my shoulders

And see the heaven

For you are destined,

To live there someday.

I have walked the ancient path

The door to which, is your heart

For long it’s been shut

Come walk with me now

I’ll guide you back to the start
Where infinity awaits to be embraced

I am the one with love

I am the one with light

Do you have the courage to be The Fool ?

I have been reading Tarot cards for more than a year now, every time i open my deck i still feel the same excitement i felt the very first time only now I'm more familiar with them.
For those who don't know, Tarot cards are divided into Major Arcana and Minor Arcana. The Fool is the first card of Major Arcana numbered as 0.
The Fool portrays starting of a new journey and the youthful feeling that comes with it. No matter how old in age you get, when you start something new, you are young and fresh again, full of possibilities.
The Fool also represents courage, risk-takers, also being a little naive.

If  you look at the card, you will see a dog at his heels. A dog symbolises loyalty and blind faith. This is also one of the characteristics of The Fool. The Dog is also a protector, so The Fool is also being protected by loyal spirits who watch over him warning him not to fall into the rough waters in front of him.

He also carries a knapsack for the road. Even though he is following his heart he doesn't forget to be practical and take the necessary goods for his journey. But will the little knapsack be enough for him? In his hand is a rose symbolising his desired goal. The rose is white symbolising purity which is also stands for The Fool's innocent and non-manipulated character.

When this card is picked, it tells you that you are embarking on a new journey, a spiritual one and sometimes even an actual journey if supported by other cards that signify travelling.
The Fool is also a warning to watch your step as rough water may be ahead and you may be too busy to notice.

But it's the courage of The Fool that strikes me the most. Without courage no dreams will ever manifest. So be courageous to follow your heart and to open your mind, you may be a fool to do so, but it's through that foolishness, you start your journey towards infinite possibilities and teachings to be learned.

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” -C.S. Lewis

Moral of the Story

The Wise Woman's Stone

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."

-Author Unknown

[PS : Like it's mentioned above the author of this wonderful short story is unknown, it is not written by me. I found it here and loved it so i shared it after all what good is a such a inspiring thought if not shared?]

And like we are 7 again, the moral of the story is - 

The man in the story returned the precious stone, by doing so he made a choice to be a seeker of truth. We all get oppertunities to learn and grow, from a person or a situation, all we need to do is to be available to it, to make a choice. 

 

London riot rambling

's just once of those days when i don't want to see others, every word they say gets on my nerve and i can't explain why, all i care about is just going away deeper and deeper into myself and get away from the crazy world.

A day back my mom told me about the London riot, i didn't take it seriously. But last night i saw everyone updating their status on facebook and i knew this is big. Funny how i trusted facebook before a news channels, since media just need a tiny thing to hype it up i figure facebookers are much more real people interested in real news.

I looked it up online and i was shocked to see so much destruction and so anger. It's a strange place we have arrived to. At one side i see these incredibly spiritual people, highly sensitive, people who believe they are born to help others and make this world a better place. On the other side i see people so angry burning down houses of their own neighbours and destroying anything that they can see. I know about the dual nature of this planet, but i think today it's more extreme than any other time. Of course this is a very unique time.

I hope all those in unrest will find peace. After all those who inflict pain on others are bigger victims than those who suffer. It's not a problem when you feel pain, it is when you stop feeling it. How dazed they must be who burn others houses and cannot feel it's heat.

Anyway, like i said i pray for them to find some peace.

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Broken words

Broken words forming broken letters

Faded memories of the jaded past

Line by line a song was sung

Made of words that didn’t make much sense

The drum beats bringing it to life

Alien expressions that adorned the night

Slippery steps dancing with delight

Hand in hand they laughed intoxicated

Burning their matches from the fire

Font Change - What is up with blogger?

I don't know what's up with the change of font... I have tried everything to make it work but i can't turn it back to the way it was..so i keep it this way now. 

If you see read my previous posts and you see the font get bigger i hope you don't get bothered. 

Peace.

 

My Idea of Spirituality

I decided to write on my this subject after i read my sister's blog. It is her first time blogging and she is doing a very good job of it.

Ruhi can be traslated to 'Ruh' an arabic term which means 'a spirit' or 'a spiritual woman'. It's funny how i actually turned out to be so spiritual.

My upbringing wasn't done in a religious way so i got a lot of freedom in choosing my own path. I never believed in the concept of religion. While it may work for someone else, i needed freedom and not a set of rules imposed on me by someone else.

I started meditating very early maybe when i was 9 or 10. The first meditation i did was with a candle in a dark room. I stared at the flame to center my mind and i felt a connection with the divine. I have to admit starting so young, it doesn't mean i mediate everyday, but i try to do it as often as possible, especially when i feel i need to connect with my higher self. Meditation helped me to grow spiritually, you can say it was my first step towards understanding spirituality and discovering it within myself.

Spirituality can be defined as a relationship between you and the divine energy and meditation is one of  many ways to make that bond stronger.

I believe in the saying 'All is one' and these three simple words have a lot of power in it. I believe in the power of love, we only understand a part of it. Nature is important to me even though i am no vegetarian but i don't think eating only vegetables means you love nature. If you are a vegetarian, more power to you. I also believe in the power of human mind, of consciousness. All these things are inter-related.

God does not rule our life, God runs through our life - this is my truth which i have learnt from experience, observations and listening to the universe.

This post only gives an overview of what spirituality is for me. I'm all about it, if i start writing all at one go, it will be never end and so i will reflect more on it in future posts.

A Shark in the ocean

When I was in school we had a class called ‘Moral Science’, I really liked that class. First because it didn’t involve any rigorous brain work and second just the nature of that class was very peaceful and creative.

I remember one of the class in which my teacher told us to write one element of nature that resonates you the most.

As soon as the question ended, its answer flashed in my mind and without wasting a second I wrote down: Ocean.

That was then, and today I am still in love the deep blue water holding so much within. For me ocean signified deept of personality, all the different kinds of creature it holds symbolizes knowledge about varied subjects.

 
To reach the deepest part of it is always a struggle, but in the end it’s a whole new world of complete bliss (of course I have no idea since I can swim only in 5ft of water, but it feels like so). Ocean always felt like a home.

Almost 7 years later me and my friends gathered in our dingy kitchen to find out about our spirit animal. I was laying on the kitchen floor with candles burning around me connecting myself to the earth and the sky, breathing in the divine light to connect with my higher self.

I walked in the forest where I was guided by my friend’s voice. Soon her voice began to fade away and I visualized me walking down a pathway surrounded by huge trees, green and wet as if it had just rained. I walked deeper and deeper and I saw a stone right in the middle of the clearing.

I sat for a while expecting a cat to come and greet me, I presumed that my spirit animal is a cat. But as I called for my spirit animal, the image of the rainforest disappeared.

I was in middle of the ocean, deep blue and clear. Far above I could see the sun shining. And then….

Swimming towards me was a great white shark. Not scary like Jaws but kind and happy-go-lucky, like laughing on some inside joke. We had a little conversation –

Me: you are not a cat.

Shark: do I look like a cat?

I laughed loudly and woke up from my trance surprising my friends. I knew he was my spirit animal just by that one sarcastic reply. And as my friend read the characteristic of a shark totem a relief swept over me, I have found my spirit animal.

Throughout the evening I had a constant connection with my spirit animal. I was in ocean and the ocean was in me.

Letting go...

We all have lost someone we loved, a friend, a sibling or a lover. Time flows by and you don’t realize how you two have just drifted away, all those promises of staying together fades.

Who is to blame really? Did you not give enough time to the relationship? Did he/she didn’t care enough to ‘make it work’, or any other lame reason like such which comforts our heart for the time being until it the truth shadows over you making you realize that you have lost it. And no blame is good enough to recover the loss.

Out of my experience I feel that some relationships are not ‘forever’ but for a certain amount of time where two people share a special relationship, laughing, crying, and growing together and then move on.

Often when these relationships are lost, it suddenly becomes a ‘waste of time’ or ‘a mistake’ not because it was all that, but the trauma of not getting what you have planned and expected is too strong to look over the initial feeling of hurting.

No past relationship is a mistake if you can get out something out of it – strength of letting go, wisdom of making better choices or even some very cool song you got introduced to while In that relationship.

This hurting never stops because we keep escaping pain, but pain is the first sign of healing.

So look back to your past relationship no matter how poisoned they seem and find out that few things that you learned from it, it could be something that you learned while you were in that relationship or something that you learnt while getting out of it.

And then let go……

Mutiny

Struggling to breathe

Like a fish out of water

Pressing hard against the falls of my heart

Trying to block the deafening sound of harsh reality

Tears will roll down to disappear

Screams will be faint to be music

I live in mutiny

Life Lessons

July has not been kind to me. I feel as if I'm trapped in this world where everything is so constricted and protected and people have been living for things that don't live. It's impossible to breathe freely to follow my inner voice with so many outer voices to deal with.

And then a voice inside me says don't whine you have to go through like everyone else. Who knew free will would be so costly. I would do anything to just travel around the world and see different people and cultures but that's not happening anytime soon. I hope i still do this some day.

This is just another lesson i need to learn of course. So I'll be patient and deal with whatever is thrown at me. I should probably stop planning so much because it blocks your view from what is really happening. Life is unexpected and that's the grand plan.

Dreamer

If you have read my blog before you would know that i have changed my background again. Apparently i have a hard time selecting backgrounds for my blog. I keep trying to search a background that is 'me' but then i am ever-changing and that is me.

For now i have chosen a background with a lantern because it symbolizes the soul that shines through our physical self. I actually love this template..i think it's growing on me. I plan to keep this one for a long time unless i plan to change my plan.

It's not just a case of blog background. I often try to make things as exactly what i imagine in my head, some people say I'm a perfectionist but of course I'm not, I'm just a dreamer. Being a dreamer has it's own drawbacks though, since dreams are infinite nothing will ever satisfy your imagination but that's what keeps me going.

The good thing about dreaming is, it keeps you alive inside.