100th post

I could not google a heart i liked, so i made my own.

This is my 100th post, this is also my very first blog...a very personal blog, so you might be able to guess, i am overwhelmed about this post.

So what should i write about? Spirituality? Maybe a little poem....or something political? I don't know yet...but i will make it up as i write.

Firstly, i want to thank my readers who took the trouble of joining this site and to those who commented on my posts. You have no idea how happy you have made me. Thank you so very much, lot of love. 

Now what should i share? Let me tell you, i started this blog to take out the pain i felt inside...i was in a very beautiful relationship that was turning very sour and i am the kind of person who likes sweet. Unable to get rid of the relationship itself i started to blog my pain out...so if you read depressing poems or posts in the later half  of my  blog..it is because i was depress, no need to kill youself reading that, i survived. Enough said about that.

But i am out of it now, and it is as if i am born again. My heart is open and healed. But i believe the 'pain' that i went through...all those sleepless night has paid off because now i understand myself better..now i see my purpose of truly being here on earth, it is to heal others not through medicine but through understanding.

I have met people who tell me, 'Ruhi you are 19, why this burden of helping the whole world?' All i have to say to them is i am not helping anyone but me. I am incomplete if i am not for others, it's just the way it is. And that does not mean i want to get 'used' by others, no thank you i have some dignity, but i am here to make people see what wonderful beings they truly are. Through words or any other way it is why i am here. This realisation is not because of one failed relationship, but it's been gradual since my very first day i believe.

Yes, that is the bigger picture, the ultimate reason of me being here on Earth. But then there are other things too but they all are just smaller version of this bigger truth of my life.

Being as i am...dare i say more aware than others (at least of my age) is kind of a burden at times...there are people who misunderstand you, but you just got to look past all that.  I talked about philosophy so young that i could not even spell philosophy then, younger than 10 i would say. At that time i didn't know what the hell i was doing, today i look back and say 'i am a freak, how did i even know all that'. The truth is i got no idea, not yet at least.

Yes i am connected to my ancestors and to the Wise ones. I could say my soul is very old, it has seen a lot....and i could say that i have a soul of a wanderer and a warrior. But  really will that even make sense to you? maybe not.

I could keep my thoughts hidden and then blame the world to misunderstand me...that would be stupid..so here i am speaking my mind, speaking my heart and soul out, even is nobody is there to listen...because someone is always listening..and that is me...myself.

Yes, it is bad when people don't listen to you, even worse when you stop speaking up just because you believe there is no one to listen. 

Evidently, i am encouraging you to talk to yourself more...may look crazy...but feels great..like many other crazy things.

Right now i won't say my life is ideal by any means...but i love my life..i love how unpredictable it is..i love everything about it, and yes i am happy....i complaint many times but i still am happy maybe I'm just whiny by nature.


Feeling loved is a feeling like no other. And right now i feel very loved. But i got no idea from whom or where does it come from...maybe from everywhere..or from deep within.

Hoping you are feeling loved too..because believe me..you are loved.