Writer's Block

I am suffering from writer's block.

I guess I need a break to collect my thoughts and get it sorted. I don't know how long this break will be, maybe a minute or a week. Hopefully not more than a week or my writing ability is as good as gone.  Right now my thoughts are too random to bring it out in the open and actually make sense.

It's not like there isn't any inspiration. There are plenty, I just lack the capability to put them into words.

 "This too shall pass." Hopefully.

The Mirror

Every part of my body is giving up. Twelve hours of flight makes me cranky and now my next flight was cancelled, nothing seems to be going right and I need a place to escape. The only place I could think of is the bathroom. I open the door and the strong scent of toilet cleaner makes me sick. A wall of mirror had been lazily cleaned, I can barely see my silhouette.

I rush towards the nearest full view mirror trying to ignore the stink coming out of open toilets that needed serious repairing. An Indian woman is standing in front of the mirror. I hate this woman, why can't I just have this mirror to myself? Put that cheap lipstick in your bag and get out of my sight.  

I adjust myself in whatever place I can find, cursing under my breath I pull out my trusty hairbrush. I see some of my long black hair stuck in the middle of bristles. Great, this is what I need, a prove of me slowly moving towards baldness. I pull the hair out and throw them away carelessly on the ground quickly but in a casual motion so that it goes unnoticed by the woman in front of the mirror.
Brushing my hair i look sideways to see if she is finished with her make-up so i could polish myself and head out to the get the security procedures done. I look at her, and she looks at me.

Oh! what is that? Is that a smile on her face. I automatically smiled back and then looked at her, with no judgement and pure curiosity. She is beautiful. Her dusky skin is glowing and her dark black hair is tied up elegantly in a bun. Eyes lined with khol and a hint of red lipstick on her full lips. She applied her sindoor, meddled with her Sari and smiled at her reflection looking content. After collecting her things, she looked at me smiling and walked off leaving the mirror and me. Finally the mirror was all mine, I searched for beauty in my reflection, inside and out.

Why did I hate on her before, she seems nice. How many others have I hated and never known? For few seconds that seemed like eternity I felt small and guilty. I walk around with a wall built of my insignificant achievements that gives me the illusion of being better than anyone else. The truth is I am scared of being vulnerable. I am scared of being open and yet I cannot close myself. Even when I try to close the doors of my heart, the winds blow them open, light pours in and I stand mesmerized by the beauty I missed.

Universe, when I get consumed by the illusion around me and close my heart to your beauty, send the message through the wind again. 

Beyond Words

Words are the most unreliable way of communication. And yet it is the most used.

Ancient wisdom teaches that words are powerful, it manifests a sense of reality which thoughts and imagination can't attain by themselves. Words spoken out loud are affirmation to oneself.

When carefully chosen and gently spoken these strange noises seems promising, but they are easily accessible to liars, then how do I trust?

Music and dance can tell me stories. Eyes are the window of soul and silence speaks louder.

Then why do I let these words manipulate me? It leaves me in a state of mental chaos, misunderstood and confused.

The first time I looked in your eyes, our souls recognized each other. In a matter of moments a whole lifetime recapitulated.

And then we let words come between us. They trapped us. Like swords they clashed, tore through my hopes and dreams until I could fight no more.

A dagger buried in my heart has left a wound so deep, it is still healing, oozing dark memories.

 Let is flow. The last of darkness will drip down to nothingness. Let it go.

Image from Google

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."

Image from Google

Shakespeare was a dramatist, he understood the fact that we all somehow feed from the drama we create in our life. Yes we all are actors. Our thoughts becomes actions and it's our actions that shape our life and of people around us.

Sometimes when I think of 'actors' I think 'fake' but the truth is we are acting constantly, if we don't than we are still, which maybe a more peaceful state of mind, but this is a place where change is inevitable and with change comes the drama. No wonder people who live 'simple life' always seem to be going nowhere and their life story sounds boring.

We get inspired by struggle and pain more, than just a simple and content life. Struggle and pain moves us and we love to be moved, when we move we come alive. Happiness touches us, we love the touch. But contentment can only we felt by the wisest of all, because it feels like nothing. And nothing is the hardest thing to digest.

I hear people whine and moan, they feel life is unfair and cruel but they are scared of dying, they know they sound stupid but they won't do anything about it. Why? Because we love the drama.
Sometimes a little drama is necessary it's a sign that things are changing. When we get uncomfortable that is when we start trying to find comfort, or we stay numb.  And numb is not the way to live.

Let me just say, I indulge in drama. It is fun. I sit and moan about how unfair life is. It makes me feel like a kid. But then I have to stop, too much indulgence is not good for mental health.

As an 'old soul' I know the the consequences of things and it is my responsibility to guide others. Sometimes I am laughed at, but it is a risk I am willing to take. I know when others are laughing, there is one person who can resonate with my words, hopefully they would hear me above all the laughter.

Yes, I still do drama just like when parents become child-like with their kid, because it's the best way to connect with the kid. They don't stop being parents and helping their child to grow, but it helps them to walk a mile in kiddie shoes. After all kiddie shoes are way more cuter and appealing than adults.

Drama is appealing. We Love it. We feed on it. 

Happy Halloween !

How I love Halloween!

Hope everyone is having a good time even if you don't celebrate it. Few years ago Halloween for me was just a Hollywood thing, until  I moved to U.K, and it was all real!

Some pictures to share (not related to Halloween)

And now one related to Halloween -

Made by me and my flat mate Kristy 

New World

I see you smile
I see you ascend to the sky
Light all around you like the breath of an angel

You make me want to fly
spread my wings and dive
into the ocean
through the fluffy white clouds

But before I take a leap
I have to make some wings
I have to take them to the other side

When I am done
I'll see you in the new world

Bollywood is in America, right?

Image from Google

I was listening to some Bollywood music when I saw this comment.

Dear Bollywood,

A word of advice. Please stop all the cheesiness in Bollywood movies. All this glitter, glam, and ghettoness does not make the movies any more interesting, "cooler", americanized.....whatever you are going for. In fact it is embarrassing! .Instead I Go back to your roots, or take a look back at the hindi movies from the 90s. Those were real true good hindi movies. This goes for India too. Us NRI's want to come to a India that is still India not something like the U.S.

Obviously my fellow youtuber here was feeling a little nostalgic and listening to new Bollywood song did not make him/her happy. So, what better way to express your feelings then to rant in the comment section?

Now I am not going to lie, sometimes I refrain from listening to Bollywood songs just because it’s too loud and you just don’t know what’s happening. There is an actor dancing with 10 other white girls, rapping like a black man in Punjabi, basically it’s a chaos in the name of music.

I am officially a NRI (non-resident Indian) but I don’t think like the nostalgic youtuber. One reason is I feel this person has been outside India for a very long time and a lot has changed since then. You will always remember of home the way you left it. Even when I leave my room and come back to find it clean I go berserk, so imagine if you leave your country and you come back to find it different.

But then it’s not just NRI’s is it? A lot of people don’t like this multi-cultural Bollywood. They wish it was all pure Indian , more songs running across the field, fake punching noises , the flowing saris yada yada yada. Bollywood is still making actors run across the field, only that the field is in Egypt and they are running around a pyramid. For some Indians this may be the only way to see pyramids (not like I have seen one in reality).

I don’t feel being ‘modern’ is wearing a tank top instead of a duppatta. But I do feel that tank tops are more comfortable. Lot of Bollywood movies are completely based in London, New York or Sydney, and why not? A lot of Indians have moved there as well.

They say movies reflect the society we live in. Bollywood movies only show the society Indian people have created. It was not created by the industry.  So I feel people should stop whining about everything being ‘westernised’ when they are the ones who are westernised (hello NRIs).

As for me, I am a child of globalisation, I love the old Bollywood classics and I also love the shining new ‘westernised’ Bollywood.

Why you should not date a Sagittarius man.

Let's talk about my favourite  topic - MEN! And this time it's extra special, it's not just men, it's fiery Sagittarius men.

On phone they are active, they talk a lot about anything and everything. They didn't hesitate to tell me their grande and noble ideals or what did they have for dinner.

And then, it's time for a date. The curtains are up! He is standing somewhere in the corner busy on his phone he looks at me and I expect a warm welcome. Instead he gives a small smile and starts walking next to me.

Dating him is like babysitting. He wants curtains to be closed, food to be perfect and halal, mind you. He is blunt and he misbehaves but the strange thing is, even though he is irritating the hell out of me, I can never really hate him.

As soon as I  think I have had enough and it's time to wrap up the show, he will do something very sweet and win me back again.

Once a Sagittarius man said to me 'I am looking for a nice relationship' and also 'I don't want to get married' all in one same night. I'm sorry what do you need a relationship for if you cannot even think of long time commitment? He has his reasons. He wants it so someone can close the curtains, bring him juice, order food for him (he will pay) and run around looking after him, while he sits and moans about everything.

When everything thing  is done  he will ask 'Why do you care about me?' and I have nothing to say. I didn't do it because I care, I did it because I am a nice person and I don't want to throw you out of my house. And also I think you are 5 year old kid in the body of a 20 year old boxer.

I crawl up next to him like a cat asking for affection and he looks uncomfortable, what is he so shy about we just had sex!

And then I remember, hey I am a Sagittarius girl! I probably bossed him around so he is scared of me, and I am so independent that the fact that he can't close a curtain by himself annoys me. And I should know, for us Sagittarius sex is easy, affection is not.

If Sagittarius men are baby, then Sagittarius women are little girls who try put their mothers lipstick and act all motherly only because she wants some attention.

Or maybe I just need a Gemini man who can talk to me all night long and still have some more left for next morning. But Gemini men are always available, as available as water in a desert.

Image from Google

PS: I am not responsible for your Sagittarius man's behaviour, he could be nothing like this. If he is exactly like my description then we probably dated the same man.