Alone

My housemates are in celebrating Easter with their parents, so I get the house to myself. It's quite nice actually. Not to close to bathroom door all the time, I can talk as loudly as i want to, I can sing without being told I am out of tune. It is a nice change.

I have been wondering what loneliness is. More often than not, I choose to be alone. I am an introvert (INFJ) so I always need to recharge myself my having some alone time. But I guess alone time does not equal the feeling of being lonely.

Webster's dictionary describes lonely as "being without company". One can be alone if no one is around but can feel alone in midst of a crowd. So it's really about being alone or feeling alone.Sometimes being alone helps you figure out yourself, it clears your head and gives you a fresh perspective. To be in company with yourself is very comforting. On the other hand,  feeling alone tears you apart. Nothing is more disturbing than feeling lonely, it's like you need to save yourself from yourself. If only someone can hear the screams in your head.

But often I find that the I cannot save a person who feels lonely. No matter how much I try to guide them out of the darkness, sooner or later they will leave my hand and run back to it again. And I have discovered that it is not me who holds the key to get them out of that dark room. They key has always been in their pocket.

The light is always within.

Good Read

Photography by ME

Rain

The moment I move on is often hidden by the mundane. Only after I have walked few miles, that I look back and realize what is left behind. A shadow, an echo of memories is what you have become. What comes after the judgement day?

Forgetfulness maybe.

Now when it rains, I relish every moment of it. Water will seep into me. That forever will be mine.

To see beauty is a bliss...to hold it, is Nirvana.

Closed

I often come cross people who are 'closed'. Some say they are know-it-all, other's say they are insecure with themselves. No one actually knows the real reason...because they are closed. It's like tasting a cyanide...you can't actually know the taste because you are dead before you know it.

Maybe being "closed" is not as deadly as cyanide, or is it? Maybe it's a slow poison. Little by little it kills any hope for the imagination to escape. No curiosity, no thirst to learn, no love, no hate.
Closed like you have never seen the light. Like you have never known the dark.

I am exaggerating obviously. You won't go to that extent. You will sense the danger and stop.

But what if you don't?

 Oh! i forgot, if's and but's don't work in your world. All the possibilities is out of reach. All you see is what really exists.

Call me crazy but I like to draw outside the line. 

A Hermit's Sight

At night I often become a spectator of my own life

Of the words that I have spoken and the paths I chose

Each time I discovered how fickle time really is

And it’s a conclusion that many have come to

But it never misses to amuse me

A flame that once burned is transformed into smoke

With every hope that’s blown out, it gets harder to breathe

It’s not sad, maybe just a little disappointing

And many may have felt this in their journey of discovery

But it never misses to amuse me

Though my mind has never given up

These sounds and images are quite disturbing

And through this corruption and chaos

At night I often become a spectator of my own life. 

Faces of Love

It's Valentines day, so how can I think about anything but love.

I am single and most of my friends are. Whenever one of us feels low I always advice them to be content being alone. Whenever they ask "Am I not worth being loved", I say stop feeling like you are not worth it, when the time is right love will come.

Yet no one can deny the emptiness we feel. The sinking feeling that there never may be a 'right time' and we cannot deny that love indeed is the greatest form of self-validation. A person can be born with one eye and two nose, but if he/she is loved then the fight has already been won.

Love is the reason why people feel accepted or rejected. Like a pure energy it could be the the light or dark.

We in this physical world have the power to manipulate energy. Our thoughts and words can make someone feel loved but prejudices often stop us from loving people, forces them to ask themself if they are worth it.

Isn't everyone worth it? And why would someone's race, sexual orientation, their physical attractiveness etc get involved in matters of the heart?

Why can't we all unconditionally love each other...why is a stranger threatening, why is the unknown scary?

Love is grande. And I guess that is why we need families, friends, soulmates and twin flame to understand and experience it completely. It seems like one lifetime just isn't enough to appreciate all the faces of love.

My Tumblr

I once said that I am not a fan of Tumblr but things change.  I have a Tumblr now. I will keep posting in blogspot  because this is a better place to write. But they say a picture is worth a thousand words, sadly i can't give that excuse when there is an essay to write for uni.

But I can post lots of pictures and quotes on Tumblr.

Check it out, it's free. 

PS- I am not betraying blogger. I can have both of them right?

Estuary

I am surrounded by mundane things.

On uni days I need to follow my routine. I have to get up on a specific time, get ready and leave for the class early. Most importantly I have to sleep early, which is hard because I am nocturnal. But I fear missing a class or being all tired the next day so I put on a light relaxing music that will help me sleep.

Routine makes me sad. But it is the only way I can survive this mundane world. I often wonder if I am in the wrong place. I wonder if I am ever truly present. But here a sign on the attendance list is all it takes.
I was present, I was invisible.

What keeps me here? A sense of purpose? Or lack of courage... or is it just the fact that I am suppose to be present.
I need to get through this. I need to endure.

And one day the river will meet the ocean.