Indian babies are born out of Love, not sex.

I am an Indian baby. I was born out of love not sex because sex is only how western kids are born. Us Indian babies are born out of immense love and respect between a man and a woman...oh sorry, a husband and a wife I mean. Of course you can't have sex before marriage, even if it makes you a 30 year old virgin.

Any baby who is born to an unmarried mother will be subjected to humiliation because there is no such thing as a single mother. If a woman was raped and unfortunately got pregnant, she would be married to the guy who raped her because one punishment was not enough for her. After all it was probably the woman who dressed provocatively or flirted with the rapist. It is all her fault.

But obviously I have a father who loves my mother. I respect my father because I am shit scared of him, he can beat me to pulp if I don't do as he says. My parents know that Indian babies are immune to physical and mental abuse, so no matter how much wrong they do to me I will turn out to be just fine.

If you ask my father why he loves my mother he will tell you one thing "because she is the mother of my children". Yes, he does not love my mother because she loves him and she has been with him through thick and thin, he only loves her because she was fertile enough to have me.

He also loves my mother because she can keep her mouth shut while he sleeps around with other women. That is of course the mark of a good wife, no matter how much a man cheats or abuses, Indian woman will not complain because she has a family honor to protect and this is solely her responsibility, not men's. He is free to do whatever he likes, especially if he brings enough money in the house then the woman should be grateful.

My mother knows the only reason her man has gone astray is because he is under black magic. My father is so innocent that only the supernatural can ruin his devotion to my mother. Obviously the girl he sleeps with is a witch and she is only after my father because..well...who wouldn't want such a wonderful man.  She is probably after my father's money. I am sure they are not in love because Indians know that after marriage there can be no attraction towards anyone else but your spouse, even if they haven't had sex since stone age.

My mother knows one day he will return to her because she has been a good wife. She brought me to life. Out of love of course, not sex.

Even if I was born out of sex by mistake, it was done only in missionary position.

PS - This is not my story, this is a story based on few things I have observed. I am not talking about my mother, believe me she is not so helpless....on the other hand she will kill me if I write about her personal life. 

What's your age again?

It came as a shock to me when my 9 year old cousin and his friends found a song with profanity 'funny'. Aren't they too young to even know what these words mean. I had no idea about curse words when I was that young, it took me couple more years, and I was not a goody goody kid either. 

But my cousin is not the only person who is not acting their age. Teenagers are so worried about their love life and relationship status that they change it at least once a month on Facebook. I can say this because I am not a teenager anymore. But really I haven't changed my single status from past few years, only because I am too paranoid to be in a relationship. 

Alarms in my head rang when my friends got involved in a live-in relationship and my sister got married. This can't be, everyone is with someone and I am on my way to afterlife alone with no one but 7 cats surrounding my deathbed.  Next thing I know I am watching Sex and the City in my room with a tub of ice-cream. 

I am kind of like my 9 year old cousin. If he can understand the meaning of those swearwords then I can too watch woman twice my age moan about men and botched botox. 

If Justin Beiber can sing songs about break-ups and Willow Smith can have the same stylist as Rihanna, maybe the relationship between age and sex is not what it used to be. Actually, drop the 'maybe'.  

Why you should not date a Sagittarius man.

Let's talk about my favourite  topic - MEN! And this time it's extra special, it's not just men, it's fiery Sagittarius men.

On phone they are active, they talk a lot about anything and everything. They didn't hesitate to tell me their grande and noble ideals or what did they have for dinner.

And then, it's time for a date. The curtains are up! He is standing somewhere in the corner busy on his phone he looks at me and I expect a warm welcome. Instead he gives a small smile and starts walking next to me.

Dating him is like babysitting. He wants curtains to be closed, food to be perfect and halal, mind you. He is blunt and he misbehaves but the strange thing is, even though he is irritating the hell out of me, I can never really hate him.

As soon as I  think I have had enough and it's time to wrap up the show, he will do something very sweet and win me back again.

Once a Sagittarius man said to me 'I am looking for a nice relationship' and also 'I don't want to get married' all in one same night. I'm sorry what do you need a relationship for if you cannot even think of long time commitment? He has his reasons. He wants it so someone can close the curtains, bring him juice, order food for him (he will pay) and run around looking after him, while he sits and moans about everything.

When everything thing  is done  he will ask 'Why do you care about me?' and I have nothing to say. I didn't do it because I care, I did it because I am a nice person and I don't want to throw you out of my house. And also I think you are 5 year old kid in the body of a 20 year old boxer.

I crawl up next to him like a cat asking for affection and he looks uncomfortable, what is he so shy about we just had sex!

And then I remember, hey I am a Sagittarius girl! I probably bossed him around so he is scared of me, and I am so independent that the fact that he can't close a curtain by himself annoys me. And I should know, for us Sagittarius sex is easy, affection is not.

If Sagittarius men are baby, then Sagittarius women are little girls who try put their mothers lipstick and act all motherly only because she wants some attention.

Or maybe I just need a Gemini man who can talk to me all night long and still have some more left for next morning. But Gemini men are always available, as available as water in a desert.

Image from Google

PS: I am not responsible for your Sagittarius man's behaviour, he could be nothing like this. If he is exactly like my description then we probably dated the same man.

"Logout" is the hardest button to click

Confession - I am addicted to facebook. Yes, I am. I have over 900 'friends' few ex's and of course my family. Sometimes my mom actually messages me on facebook asking me to come down and have dinner. You know you are addicted to facebook when you are chatting to your mom when she is just a hall away.

Like I mentioned I have my ex's on facebook too, why? Because I need to know what they are up to. I know, sick! But let me also add, I am the kind of person who does not hold grudges so I don't stare at their pictures mumbling curses under my breath. The worst I can do is look at their present girlfriend's picture and think 'ha! she is fatter than me' and then go to the gym to actually make that happen (like for a week).

I wonder how will I feel if my boyfriend (imaginary) dumped me on facebook without telling me. Obviously he is a jerk. I'll probably cry and get drunk and will be over it after a week or a month or a year depending on the relationship.

Here is this girl, this beautiful precious 23 year old Indian girl who killed herself because her jerk of a boyfriend updated his status something like this

"Feeling super cool today. Dumped my new ex-girlfriend. Happy Independence Day."

I don't think he realised repercussions of his actions. It's not the first time I am seeing a fb status like this. I see it everyday. Boys who are glad they dumped their girlfriend, girls who are convinced there is no love out there, or couples who announce their love everyday. 

A teacher I know (who actually passed this news to me) said "Are we not preparing our students to withstand the disappointments of life?" 

A very good question, a very important one actually and not much asked . For some reason our school system (especially Indian) deals mostly with academic prospects, that too if you feed them some money. But surely trigonometry cannot help you deal with the 'real' problems of life.  The one that keeps you awake at night. Trying to aim high we forget what ground are we standing on. A ground made up of family, friends, lovers and most importantly relationship with ourself. If that base is weak we cannot take off to the skies, can we? Who teaches us that? Sure we can take counselling. But how many people are brave enough to say 'I need help'. 

People shy away from talking on such matters and I understand why. That status made a girl suicide, it probably wouldn't have affected someone else so much. And who knows what other demons she was fighting inside. Maybe this break-up was the last strike.  Despite of her friends and family imagine how lonely she must have felt. Maybe she just needed to talk. If someone could have shared her pain, she would have been alive today, crying over some other man. 

But I am a believer in death, that it happens when it is suppose to happen. There are people who try to kill themselves and still survive because they just had to live a little more. Maybe her life is complete. 

We cannot bring back the dead, nor should we waste time in mourning over death, that only stops us and them from moving on. She already made her choice. But what can we do is think for people who are alive and in pain? 

I know it's a silly society we life in, where facebook can take a life, but never forget the people you add are real. They are more than just a profile. Next time your friend is crying over a guy you know is a jerk, talk to her, listen to her. Or you see your guy friend getting drunk over a girl, join him and make him see other things worth living for. Just hear them out. 

There are some of our friends who are so sensitive and a little naive, they need us. 

Issues like suicide can be scary, and no one really wants to talk about it, because sometimes it's just easy to talk about corruption and oil prices. 

Or you can just not add your boyfriend on facebook.  But that ain't happening. 

1 Indian, 1 Iraqi and 6 boxes

image from google

All moved in into my new house, shifted my things from the storage, now the only challenge is to fit my 3 years worth of stuff into my tiny room. I got no idea how it's going to work out but I know I'll manage somehow because there is no other choice.

I called in to hire a man and a van to help me move my things from the storage. The driver called me to say he was stuck in traffic, so we are running 2 hours behind, thank you London traffic! When I reached my storage place there was a fair, dark-haired, medium built, middle-aged man waiting for me, who greeted me with a thick middle-eastern accent and a very sweet smile.  Later I found out that he is from North Iraq.

We emptied my little storage cube and I got to sit on the big van to take my stuff back to my house. Boy! that was fun. To break the silence, on the way back to my house we had a little conversation. The first thing he asks me is if I have a boyfriend. No, regardless of people may think, I don't think he was 'flirting' with me, the man was just curious.  You see a young girl in U.K. sorting out her stuff alone and you wonder all these things.

Oh! wait no, the very first thing he asked me is if I was married. I replied ' I am 19' with a laugh. One reason I said that is because obviously most 19 year old girls are not married and if they are they won't be booking a stranger to help them move their things, they would be making their husbands slave over it. Second reason is because soon I will be 20 and I want to enjoy saying 'I am 19' in the little time I got left.

Anyway back to the Iraqi, he interrogated me a little more and I politely answered all his queries without giving out too much information, but really there is nothing to fear, if he wanted to stalk me he bloody well can, he knows my address and my number. He tells me that his cousin is married to an Indian woman, which is always a nice thing to hear, I love it when two people from different cultures and country get together.

It's funny because earlier my friend/housemate joked what if the man I hire to move my things is the love of my life. Well, I have to say, that did not happen. The chances of me getting with a middle-aged Iraqi is very less, and the only reason I say 'very less' is because I believe more in 'never say never'.

My van driver did his work and retired with a smile. If I didn't had to pay him, I would have called it a disappointing date. End of the day I was still single, with six boxes and £60 less in my Marc Jacob wallet. 

Machines and Men

There are days when everything I touch turns to gold, and then there are days like today, when everything I touch turns to goo.
I read the newspaper this morning and got inspired to write a post, so I run upstairs to my room open my laptop, press the start up button …..and nothing. It just won’t open. I tried to charge it, remove the battery and put it again…press the start up button with all my might…Nada.

All that inspiration got exhausted in the anger I felt at the moment…and I don’t even get angry anymore, but this time I was. I was pissed off. I just got this laptop repaired. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life, my love life sucks…my university is sucking the life out of me and I am still fat.

I called my dad and ranted out about my laptop and we came to the conclusion that it is indeed broken and nothing can be done unless it is sent out to the mainland because it cannot be fixed in Andaman Island, it’s a pain to live in an island when it comes to technology.

I asked my mom if I can borrow her office laptop (which I am using now) and she agreed but not before she reminded me million times not to be too careless and avoid any adventures with it, as if I take my laptop to bungee jumping with me.

With time the anger faded and I realized everything will be o.k. …things will work out, it won’t be easy but it’s not the end of the world.

I could buy a new laptop, but it reminded me of my love life. Laptops and Boyfriends can be similar…with time you get attached to them and maybe a little bit depended even, only that one day they break your heart and just stop working! But then you can always find a new one right? But for what? Getting a new one is not a lasting solution; someday they will stop working too. So, no point of making something or someone your whole life.

Some major insecurity huh…no really, I understand men are not machines. Even though sometimes it may seem like it, but still, they are not. Men are a little bit misunderstood to be honest. I feel people just expect so much from them, no one really understands or gives attention to the. Women, you know, are always center of attention, for good things and bad, but men…they can be a bit expendable. No one cares; they just say ‘Man up’ and move on. What is ‘Man up’ anyway?

I get it I can be careless, yes I can. But sometimes I honestly feel machines are conspiring against me. Yesterday my hair straighter just stopped working, it just won’t start just like the laptop…they both just won’t start. Then just now, my Nicky Clarke hairstyler ‘accidently’ pushed my makeup on the floor and almost broke it. What is that huh? I bet machines are just gathering somewhere and saying ‘oh so you are going to Ruhi’s house, awesome. She is easy, just stop working one day, see how mad she gets.’

Fine I accept maybe I knocked my makeup on the floor while keeping my hairstyler on the shelf, that is a possibility. But I did not screw up with my laptop and hair straighter, no sir. But it’s not unusual, machines tend to stop working around me. I’m telling you, it’s a conspiracy!! Terminator may just happen.

On the other hand men stop working around me as well….but that’s just life I guess



Image from Google