Every part of my body is giving up. Twelve hours of flight makes me cranky and now my next flight was cancelled, nothing seems to be going right and I need a place to escape. The only place I could think of is the bathroom. I open the door and the strong scent of toilet cleaner makes me sick. A wall of mirror had been lazily cleaned, I can barely see my silhouette.
I rush towards the nearest full view mirror trying to ignore the stink coming out of open toilets that needed serious repairing. An Indian woman is standing in front of the mirror. I hate this woman, why can't I just have this mirror to myself? Put that cheap lipstick in your bag and get out of my sight.
I adjust myself in whatever place I can find, cursing under my breath I pull out my trusty hairbrush. I see some of my long black hair stuck in the middle of bristles. Great, this is what I need, a prove of me slowly moving towards baldness. I pull the hair out and throw them away carelessly on the ground quickly but in a casual motion so that it goes unnoticed by the woman in front of the mirror.
Brushing my hair i look sideways to see if she is finished with her make-up so i could polish myself and head out to the get the security procedures done. I look at her, and she looks at me.
Oh! what is that? Is that a smile on her face. I automatically smiled back and then looked at her, with no judgement and pure curiosity. She is beautiful. Her dusky skin is glowing and her dark black hair is tied up elegantly in a bun. Eyes lined with khol and a hint of red lipstick on her full lips. She applied her sindoor, meddled with her Sari and smiled at her reflection looking content. After collecting her things, she looked at me smiling and walked off leaving the mirror and me. Finally the mirror was all mine, I searched for beauty in my reflection, inside and out.
Why did I hate on her before, she seems nice. How many others have I hated and never known? For few seconds that seemed like eternity I felt small and guilty. I walk around with a wall built of my insignificant achievements that gives me the illusion of being better than anyone else. The truth is I am scared of being vulnerable. I am scared of being open and yet I cannot close myself. Even when I try to close the doors of my heart, the winds blow them open, light pours in and I stand mesmerized by the beauty I missed.
Universe, when I get consumed by the illusion around me and close my heart to your beauty, send the message through the wind again.
I rush towards the nearest full view mirror trying to ignore the stink coming out of open toilets that needed serious repairing. An Indian woman is standing in front of the mirror. I hate this woman, why can't I just have this mirror to myself? Put that cheap lipstick in your bag and get out of my sight.
I adjust myself in whatever place I can find, cursing under my breath I pull out my trusty hairbrush. I see some of my long black hair stuck in the middle of bristles. Great, this is what I need, a prove of me slowly moving towards baldness. I pull the hair out and throw them away carelessly on the ground quickly but in a casual motion so that it goes unnoticed by the woman in front of the mirror.
Brushing my hair i look sideways to see if she is finished with her make-up so i could polish myself and head out to the get the security procedures done. I look at her, and she looks at me.
Oh! what is that? Is that a smile on her face. I automatically smiled back and then looked at her, with no judgement and pure curiosity. She is beautiful. Her dusky skin is glowing and her dark black hair is tied up elegantly in a bun. Eyes lined with khol and a hint of red lipstick on her full lips. She applied her sindoor, meddled with her Sari and smiled at her reflection looking content. After collecting her things, she looked at me smiling and walked off leaving the mirror and me. Finally the mirror was all mine, I searched for beauty in my reflection, inside and out.
Why did I hate on her before, she seems nice. How many others have I hated and never known? For few seconds that seemed like eternity I felt small and guilty. I walk around with a wall built of my insignificant achievements that gives me the illusion of being better than anyone else. The truth is I am scared of being vulnerable. I am scared of being open and yet I cannot close myself. Even when I try to close the doors of my heart, the winds blow them open, light pours in and I stand mesmerized by the beauty I missed.
Universe, when I get consumed by the illusion around me and close my heart to your beauty, send the message through the wind again.
“ I walk around with a wall built of my insignificant achievements that gives me the illusion of being better than anyone else.......”.Wonderful description of human behaviour.
ReplyDeleteyou are wise. we as human beings fail constantly. when i work in a soup kitchen, someone or other pisses me off each day. last time i went to occupy l.a., i end up hollering at someone for being an idiot:) it's not easy to see beauty and purpose in everyone, at least immediately. it's okay to fail becuz we all do. acknowledging our failings only strengthens our ability to hang in there and be more human more often.
ReplyDeletewonderful, thoughtful post.
Thank you Nellayappan and Ed.
ReplyDeleteWhen we accept our failure only then we can go beyond. Failures, mistakes, disappointment are natures harsh way of nourishing our soul and helping us grow.
Nellayappan says it for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso the Universe (God?) will always show me my error, and how to repair it...IF I allow!
It is good for us to examine our conscience, as you do. And when we do that in public (blog) it is likely helpful to others! THAT is what (I think) God enjoys: when we spread about our experience, strength, and hope!
PEACE!
@Steve E - Universe, God, The Creator..all the same for me
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading :)